From Daily Squib-Olympic Torch To Be Banned in Beijing

A primary concern of holding the Olympics in Oppressive Mainland China (excluding human rights abuses) is their unchecked pollution...they have just become the number one Greenhouse Gas producer in the world. There is serious fear that athletes could be risking their long term health participating in the Olympics, not to mention returning home with a permanent stench imbedded in their pores from the pollution. To avoid instantaneous combustion of the air, thus burning the lungs from the inside out, IOC is considering banning the Olympic Torch in Beijing. We thank Daily Squib for this breaking almost true news story.

Olympic Torch May be Banned from Beijing

April 14th, 2008

by Zxing Fu Xing

Beijing on a good day

BEIJING - China - There are serious fears that the Olympic flame may set off a large explosion of the combustible Beijing atmosphere when the summer Olympics begin.

Explosives experts are being drafted in at great cost by the Chinese authorities to determine how to avoid massive explosions in the combustible Beijing atmosphere. Naturally, with the volatile situation in Beijing's poisonous atmosphere, all naked flames may be banned from the games.

"We have a highly volatile cocktail of dangerous explosive gases in the Beijing atmosphere and to avoid a massive chain reaction leading to a massive explosion, we may have to ban the Olympic flame from being displayed at the games." Gerald Matheson of JCP Consulting told an AP press conference on Monday.

The Beijing air is filled with heavy metals and phosphates that are hazardous to the health if breathed in.

There are also pockets of extremely volatile gases that are released daily from the numerous factories in the city. It was only three months ago when 267 people were killed when a housewife lit a cigarette in an open air cafe thus igniting a pocket of explosive gas that had just drifted over to where she was sitting, the resultant explosion demolished a mall and was seen 5 miles away.

According to the European Space Agency, Beijing and its neighbouring north-east Chinese provinces have the planet's worst levels of nitrogen dioxide, which can cause fatal damage to the lungs.

If you breathe the highly toxic combustible soup that is Beijing's air you would also be breathing in: Methane, Propane, Butane, Hexane, Heptane, Acetylene, Gasoline, Jet Fuel, Naptha, Turpentine, Toluene, Exlene, Ethylene Oxide, Acetone, Methyl Ethyl Ketone, Carbon Monoxide, Hydrogen Sulfide, Ammonia, Hydrogen.